I done it. I’ve started, it’s happening. I’m actually about to work on a health/fitness challenge with a Coach? Seriously?
It all started with a Questionnaire….
Well, actually it started with a conversation about Twitter, and it turned into my good friend Chad, of Anthrophysique, explaining to me about his company and his training process. And then we started to chat about me, my issues, and my goals. And it was clear from there: I’m a fascinating mess!
I’m a person who has tried many ways, methods or styles of working out, several fad diets and who loves a good juice cleanse. So it’s quite natural that my relationship with my body and food is rather convoluted.
I began explaining to Chad that I wanted to feel healthy, be loving towards my body, and be kind in the way I treated it. I would also like to be less concerned about what I ‘perceive’ people think of me. And to know, understand, and embrace my body.
So much of ‘me’ seems wrapped up in “If I lost 10lbs I’d be happy!” “If only I was that thin!” or “if that skirt just fit, everything would work out!”
Logically I know this isn’t true, but I still FEEL it sometimes.
Chad suggested I work with him, as client and a bit of ‘test subject’ I would measure, track results, be open to feedback and share my vulnerability to the world via guest blogging.
First thought: Sounds fun! 2nd thoughts: How much vulnerability? When you say measure you mean like just looking in the mirror every now and then, right?
Wrong! Hard core, detailed measurement. Apparently this is how you can see growth and change or something… blah.
So in order to see where I am, and therefore build where I want to go, I had to take pictures… in a swim suit! Something I pretty much avoid unless I’ve been on a 10 day liquid diet and then, only in flattering light. So my brain went: AHHHHHH!
Then came the measurements; just some things I totally prefer not to look at, and to ignore, most of the time. Way safer and more comfortable right? Gulp.
Even more ‘stuff’ came up with the Questionnaire…..
I’m mentioning it because honestly it was bloody scary to ask myself some of these questions. (I‘m an expert at ignoring uncomfortable feelings, and pretending to be happy about it, and then eating.)
Questions such as “Describe the ‘current you’? Umm, kinda freaking out! Umm me? I’m fine! Like not thin as I’d like to be, but ya, fine. I mean I guess it would be nice to be fitter, or something right? ….
OK Honestly? Slow, groggy, frumpy, nervous about my body and the way I look, flab where I want ab, rolls where I don’t want them, kinda weak-ish, stiff joints. Oh, and I have weird, hateful, and confusing relationships with food.
Now when it gets to questions like “Describe the ‘perfect you” and “How will your life be different?” I’m all over that! Imagining myself in cute bikinis, slinky dresses and maybe even a boudoir photo shoot! I visualize the body I used to have when I was a dancer and didn’t have a love/hate relationship with Ruffles Potato Chips.
I also really want to inspire people to be healthy, and to not feel like they have to hate it. I mean I’d like to learn that, wouldn’t you? But in my head I’m going… is this possible? What if I want to eat Nachos at The Foundation, or Frozen Yogurt?
I really just want to feel excited about my health, not treat it like it’s a chore.
Motivation also comes up. If you’re like me and you grew up reading Vogue, that is some golden material, or the fact that it’s the middle of June and it is rumoured that we may have a bikini season in Vancouver, eventually.
Or possibly, its warm (ish) out and wearing black to ‘look thin’ is becoming not so fun.
For me it is all of the above; the value of beauty and clothing, enjoying one’s self etc. But also health and my relationship with ME. I’m the one person I’m going to spend my life with, and I want work on loving, and getting to know me.
Which, for those of you know me, know that I already work on a lot, either in Acting class or with books, workshops etc. But at the moment, when I look in the mirror; I still butt heads with myself. I become this judgemental, non-loving person who I don’t want to be.
Compassion for others, I believe, must come from compassion for ones’ self.
I want to learn how to take care of myself with compassion and have a body that I’m proud of: consistently.
I’m sick of Yo-yo ing and as I said to Chad, there has to be a better way!
Then came the goal setting, like baby steps and plans for the next year, 6, 3, and 1 months. It gives you a nice road map to dream of! And also a presence in the back of your mind when you want to veg out with nothing along the lines of a vegetable in sight.
Those little goals are a check in point, a point of accountability. A little hand holding, a little pushing. And that’s exactly what I need, to take the right steps forward.
So, to challenge myself to do what I say I want, I’m going to be sharing my journey with all of you. Asking for your feedback, and bringing in results each week will be my way of being accountable to you and myself. I will also be sharing what is really going on with me as I try to make change; what’s holding me back, or guiding me forward. Because as much as I know I want to lose 20-25lbs, I also want to become friends with myself and my body and there is an emotional journey that I’m embarking on too.
It may be fitness challenge, but it’s a love building challenge too.
I hope you’ll join me, set your own fitness challenges, join the one by Chad on Evernote, or just laugh while I try to do push ups.
Looking forward to the blood, sweat and tears as I face all my fears!
More to come, every Friday!